We have all been there at one time or another. Wondering if it’s alright to say no, wondering if it’s the polite response. Here are 5 reasons where it is ok to say “no”.
Social Dancing should be fun. Don’t let other people make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
1. Safety
If you are dancing with a person whose elbow gets to close to your face. You can say no! It’s no fun to say ” I broke my nose while dancing”. Or if a person is using an excessive amount of force, you can ask that they be more gentle. If they do not moderate how heavy they are leading or following, it is within your right to “thank them” for the dance and walk away. Be proactive and communicate. Most people don’t realize what is happening from their partners perspective. Be clear and kind when letting them know how you feel.
There have been times where I have needed to walk away in the middle of a dance because I’ve felt like I could be injured. Regardless of how cool your new combo or how much you want to dip someone always think about your partner. Can you confidently lead the combination without injury to your partner and have you practiced it in a setting doing it slowly and quickly so that you can confidently execute it? Is there enough space to perform this move in a crowded club?
2. Taking a Breather
It is a legitimate need sometimes to inhale and exhale. Dancing is definitely a time to get my cardio in for the week. By the end of the night, I would often have danced to every song except for three or four songs. It is alright to say “I’m taking a breather” or to ask your partner to give you a minute into the song before you start. If they don’t want to wait, no harm and no foul. Feel free to ask them to dance at the start of a new song.
3. A Chance to listen to the band
I am at times guilty of watching the band more than my dance partner. If the band starts to play one of my favorite songs I’m most likely not going to dance. I enjoy watching them interact on stage. Once they start soloing, giving each musician a chance to improvise, that’s the real show. Musicians are performance artists too. It can be such an intimate look into a bands dynamics, seeing what energizes them, what drives them. It is so important to show the bands love,energy, and appreciation. Just as if they were playing in a concert hall we should applaud them not only for the music they play but for the time and dedication it takes to learn and perfect their craft.
4. Congress Time
A few times during the last Latin Street Congreso, I did say no to a few people I normally partner. Congress is a special time where people visit your city. Perhaps it’s my mom’s training in etiquette and hospitality that cause me to say this: Dance with a new face. Make sure that you are taking the chance to experience a new style, some regional differences, and the opportunity to make new friends. I’ve been so inspired by people I have met at Congress and a few have turned into friends even if that means we are long distance pen pals.
5. The Awkward Sleazy
We all know there is one person who genuinely makes you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps their hands roam, they press too closely against you or make inappropriate comments. This is an imperative time to say NO. Letting people get away with this behavior allows them to continue to harass others and is unhealthy to the dance scene. And this applies to both males and females. I’ve heard complaints on both sides, a woman too “handsy” and a guy who gets too close. Some people think because they are dancing there is no social etiquette regarding how they physically interact. Just because you are dancing a bachata does not give you the right to try to touch another person inappropriately.
People who prey upon unsuspecting dancers or the new person on the scene are tainting the reason we all dance. This should be a time to enjoy with friends and have a good time. So please say no. It is your right and responsibility to have a good time and to make sure others are having a good time as well but be safe, welcoming, and respectful.
See you on the dance floor,
Denita
